At my academy we believe that Jiu Jitsu is for everyone from the hobbyist looking to get fit to the take no prisoners competitor. For a number of reasons (a great new location, way more mat space, more marketing, more MMA on the tube, etc) we've had a lot of new people come through the gym. We take them through a Fundamentals Class and work really hard to make them feel welcome and get them excited about Jiu Jitsu. At the end of class the feedback about their experience is almost always great.
However, trouble sometimes sets in when these same enthusiastic people watch the following Advanced Class. We have a fairly small core group of somewhat intense individuals (which you will find at most gyms/schools). As our guests stay and watch the Advanced Class, especially if we are in tourney prep mode, a look of fear suddenly enters their eyes. You can see the cognitive dissonance flash across their faces - "that last class was so much fun, I feel like I could get fit and learn how to handle myself in a bad situation" vs. "that warm-up would make me barf, are they trying to tear each others arms off, I don't think I could survive being thrown like that."
Now for some the fear acts as a catalyst and they sign up for classes and come in breathing fire. But for those looking for something more casual the fear often causes them to run for the door.
In Jiu-Jitsu we learn practical physical skills like how to fall (ukemi) and how to deal with discomfort and pain and keep going. We also learn to grapple with our enemies at close quarters and how to maintain composure under attack and ultimately to use our opponent’s strength against him. But I think one of the greatest things we learn is how to take on our problems close up and that we can survive.
A friend recently told me, “When I started Jiu-Jitsu, I was afraid. It was fear of violence in the outside world that got me started in Jiu Jitsu to learn self-defense. Once I started training I was afraid of the strenuous exercise, the possibility of getting hurt, the submissions, the skill of the higher belts. But I kept coming back. I'm sure it happened in slow stages but it seemed "all of a sudden" when I realized it - I wasn’t afraid anymore.”
(now for the deep surfer dude philosophical point ) I believe that once the question of physical fear is solved, then you can be more open, you are free to be more honest, your ego can take a vacation. When you are no longer afraid you can be strong enough to be gentle and you can live life fully enough to have compassion.
Hey! Thanks for "redirecting" me over to your blog. I think you're right about this relating to women.
ReplyDelete"As our guests stay and watch the Advanced Class, especially if we are in tourney prep mode, a look of fear suddenly enters their eyes."
That TERRIFIED me...and confused me. I would sit through the end of the advanced class, watching them pushing past the point of exhaustion, throwing, vomiting, wincing in pain...and then I would hear the warm greetings from my instructors, the gentleness when the same guys I saw rolling at competition level on the mat could be so patient and delicate with me...I didn't get it, but I kept coming back. The softness appealed to my more feminine side...but then I also enjoyed the aggression to an extent.
Back to women. I don't think most of us are comfortable with aggression. The softness of the BJJ community? Just not sure it's enough to override the natural aggression of the art. Early on, many women are taught to avoid aggression and confrontation and unless they've played sports or are from a culture where it isn't discouraged, I can't imagine what they would have to draw on that could get them back into class past that six month point.
I guess it's just the female counterpart to some guys not being able to deal with tapping on the regular.
Great post!
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